Heat, Swass and Swoob

I haven't posted as often as I'd like and admittedly I've been very irresponsible in managing my time. However, I’m flippin’ a boulder and replacing my nightly "space out to Curb Your Enthusiasm” (I’m starting at season 1) with reflective and insightful blogging. At least until I get my hands on season 2.

On to the blog part. There’s heaps below but know that it I’m trying to save your life here. So really, how much you read depends on how much you love yourself.

The weather has been hotter than two rats doing the horizontal boogie in a wool sock. DC is literally built on a swamp and as a runner the “swamp effect” (including the devious "swamp ass" (also known as "swass"), "swoob" and chaffing) is impossible to ignore. Running without understanding the effects of heat is bold (in the Britney-Spears-no-panties kind of way) and unsafe (see previous comment). Heat and humidity are enemies of the runner, as are bloody nipples, which we visited gruesomely in the last posting, uni-boob sports bras and dog poop.

SAY HELLO TO B.O.

Overheating is when the body cannot properly cool itself. Sweat is a cooling agent and is produced when body temperature, and thus blood temperature, rises. When that happens, blood is sent to the surface where the sweaty, cooler skin lowers its temperature. But when running in the heat, the body’s internal temperature is higher than it normally handles and blood is sent to the skin at an increased rate as the body frantically tries to cool. However, oxygen and blood are also being fed to the working muscles so there isn’t enough blood traveling to the skin’s surface to cool the body properly. The result, in a sense, your blood boils you from the inside. Or what can happen is blood is diverted away from the muscles to the skin’s surface which means your muscles can't function, causing you to dramatically slow down or stop all together. In the humidity, the sweat does not wick away and heats up from both your body temperature and the sun, further hindering the blood's ability to cool. Este no es bueno.

Dehydration is the sidekick of overheating, the Robin if I may. A high sweat rate depletes the fluids and electrolytes necessary for muscle function. If you get thirsty on a run, you are already in the first stages of dehydration and need to intake a balance of fluids and electrolytes. If your pee is dark, you need more water. If you’re skin is especially salty, you need electrolytes. (More info scattered below.)

HAWT!
Immediately after a humid evening run. Clouds of bugs, like the ones on my neck
(there's about 10 although you can't tell) and the ones I choked on, are a hazard.

WHAT I HAVE LEARNED ON HOW TO HANDLE THE HEAT, pulled from the power of my mind

1) Stalk the weather. Compare hour to hour the best times to run for the week. Look at heat and humidity levels, heat index and if it will be overcast, raining or direct, glaring, cancer causing sunny. Be conscious of heat advisories and when people are dropping dead in their homes because they lack air conditioning. Keep in mind that, at least in DC, humidity is significantly higher in the morning with lower temperatures, and temperature significantly higher at night with lower humidity. Pick your poison.



2) Get acclimatized to the heat. This is very important so your body becomes more tolerant and efficient in managing temperature and so you can learn your specific food, water and electrolyte needs. Getting acclimatized takes about two weeks of regularly scheduled, low mileage, slow paced runs. The body is an adaptable and finely tuned machine, unlike my three prong electronics in a two prong house, and eventually you’ll feel a difference in your ability to handle heat and be able to safely increase distance and speed. (FYI: acclimation happens in the laboratory, acclimatization in the natural environment; in case you were questioning my use of the word, as I was.)

3) Be flexible with your schedule and break up your runs. When training, long runs are necessary for improving endurance, and reaching weekly mile goals is important so you don’t poop out on race day. But no matter how hell bent you are on getting in those 15 miles on Saturday, foaming at the mouth and passing out unnoticed in the bushes can do significant damage to your body and means you won’t even complete the 15 miles you were so convinced you could handle. Most importantly though, you’ll look like shit for at least the next 24 hours. So after checking the weather, move the long run a day earlier or put it on hold temporarily. The other option is to pick weather that’s the best of the worst and break the run up (morning and night). Obviously you will have to do a long run at some point to practice putting your body through that kind of stress but when it’s totally unbearable, breaking up your run is better than heat stroke and better than nothing; this way you aren’t significantly cutting back on your weekly mileage. With some planning, it may be possible to cram that long run in there somewhere too, even if it means getting up an hour earlier Monday morning. Hey, at least you won’t feel like an excuse maker.

4) Hydrate, especially with cold fluids. (Margaritas don’t count but someday, I hope, they will.) Drink morning, noon and night (especially before a hard morning run), in a house with a mouse or in a box with a fox, here, there or anywhere. But don’t over hydrate or you’ll throw off your fluid-electrolyte balance and risk hyponatremia. (http://www.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/pubmedhealth/PMH0001431/)

News flash: Ice melts in heat. Pre-mix electrolyte powder in water bottles and freeze. You’ll have cold drinking water in a mile, unless you dig hot water that tastes like plastic. If you wear a hydration hip belt, the frozen bottles feel nice on your lower back. Take in cold fluids pre run, like a slushie, and post run, like iced chocolate milk (which is also an all-star recovery food.) To continue that thought…

5) Consume salty foods and drink electrolyte replacements. Increased sweat equals increased fluid and electrolyte loss. You can’t simply replace them willy-nilly. There is a balance between fluid and electrolyte intake that you must discover for yourself through trial and error, depending on environmental conditions and the intensity of your run. It takes time to figure out what you need before, during and after a run, which is one reason why acclimatization is important. Too much of one and not enough of the other will have negative affects. (I think I’ve found that raging headaches mean I don’t get enough electrolytes in my system during a run, but I’m still fine tuning this theory.) You have to learn to predict and recognize your needs as well as admit your limits. (See above “Classification of Heat Illness.”)

6) Learn your sweat rate. This is how much fluid you need during a run. Before a run, get naked (butt naked!) and weigh yourself with an empty bladder. After an hour of paced running, peel your sweaty clothes off and weigh yourself again. Convert your weight loss to ounces and add the number of ounces you drank during the run. Divide your total by 4 or 6 to determine how many ounces you need to drink every 15 or 10 minutes. Do this for different environmental conditions and as you become more fit because your sweat rate will change. If you’re drinking your calculated ounces and feel crappier, you need more electrolytes, which increase the rate of fluid absorption into your blood stream, keep your muscles functioning properly and stave off hyponatremia.

7) If you’re doing the above and feel like utter shit – STOP! Find shade, walk till your heart rate comes down and drink cold water. Don’t stop dead in your tracks though or you may get heat syncope. (There will be a pop quiz on “Classification of Heat Illness.”) I highly suggest getting yourself a double scoop waffle cone afterward too. I hear it's a marvelous recovery food. It'll make you happy too :-)

May the force be with you.

Bloody Nipples: motivation for the week of June 20th

Original piece by Jessica: $473



Men-

If you've taken the time and expended the energy to read about marathon training, create a schedule, stick to the schedule, stay motivated, learn how to hydrate, eat, and stretch, one would think you know about the bloody nipple phenomenon. You've read about running gear and how to keep your man bits from bouncing around too much, presumably gone into a running store and purchased new shoes along the way, but you failed to purchase band-aids to put over your little nip-nips that will be scrapped ruthlessly over 26.2 miles. Up and down, up and down, rub-a-rub-a-rub-rub, nipple versus the world; and it's a cruel world out there for a virginesque nipple.

Score:

World, 2

Nipples, annihilated

Model of negligence: This guy was serious, but as you can tell, he is holding back some serious shrills of pain typically reserved for the squealing contestants of RuPaul's Drag Race. The wick away top, Garmin watch and reflective shorts say "let's rock!" (as does his bib # crotch shot) but the red streaks scream " you're a f*cking idiot."

Let's take a moment to ask ourselves why?  This didn't have to happen to you; you were in control of your fate. You had two roads to go down but you said "No, my nipples are warriors. They are righteous nipples, noble nipples, and they will not be struck down by poly-cotton blends. Bunnies are cotton. Bunnies are not warriors. Bunnies cry out and hide at the sight of these nipples for there is no match to their fury. These nipples own you."

This concept is not an enigma. Even The Office depicted the nip rip and the Idiot's Guide book talks about it as well. Clearly idiots aren't reading this book; I think they are marketing to the wrong demographic.

Model of excellence: this guy however, lacking the sweet running gear (and saving $500 in doing so) went all the way. I mean, all (A-L-L) the way. Look at this specimen, his nipples are high on life, leading him down the road to triumph, beckoning his every step forward, chanting a mantra of freedom, breathing sweet, sweet air and radiating motivation, rainbows and pixie dust that will carry his hairy, beefy legs through 26.2 miles.  (I was originally concerned about his uneven tan but it's more of a badge of honor, a display of his genius. Plus it's better than re-sprouting your nipples.)

Let's see some more:



I hate it when my makeup runs



Question: Why didn't you just take off your damn shirt? Did you think that your nipples sobbing streams of red-tears was a better way to keep your honor than your bouncing belly? Please reassess your priorities. Preferably before your next 10K.

WHY THIS IS MOTIVATING: I'm a woman. I wear a sports bra. I don't have this problem. If guys can finish a race with the tips of their nips shredded, I can run 50 miles with happy nipples leading the way like headlights through the fog.

(So I don't get sued: http://www.clipartof.com/portfolio/toons4biz/illustration/bandaid-bandage-mascot-cartoon-character-running-7475.html)





*WARNING: I cannot guarantee the validity of what lies beyond the apparent image of a bloody nipple when doing an image search for "bloody nipple." Click with caution.

And in the beginning, there was an idea. A really sweet idea.

Goal: Run the 50 mile Glasgow Edinburgh Double Marathon in April 2012. I'm not sure I've thought this idea all the way through but I seem to have done pretty well in life by making decisions based on the theory that difficult things are good even if you get beat down and kicked in the throat. You can always end the day with a bottle of wine and a tub of ice cream, then wake up and try again.

I want to run an ultra because I have never done it before and it sounds totally insane yet totally (totally?) doable. Doing things “just because” is more or less a habit of mine. I want a life full of experiences, (whatever that means) and challenges, though I draw the line at hot dog eating contests and nude bike riding. I have a desire to learn, push my limits, test my ability to adapt, and cultivate my inner bad ass by exploiting my strengths and recognizing and fixing my weaknesses, all in order to become (what I consider to be) a more rounded, capable person. These challenges range from blood and sweat to self improvement to living in a third world country. A large number of people say they want to do this and that, but they don't try or don’t follow through. Some of the things I’ve done cause people to look at me wide-eyed saying, “I could never do that.” (Like throwing my dog in the car and moving to DC from Colorado all on my lonesome, when the most I knew was that the White House is here. Oh, and I’d seen pictures of it.) But I’m not here to brag so I’ll move on without listing the things I’ve done that make me awesome.
 

Of course, the end doesn't always turn out the way you envisioned. For an entire year I struggled with the LSAT (Law School Admissions Test). I studied endlessly, sacrificed all things fun, had nervous breakdowns, vomited from stress and took the test a total of three times. It was hell but because I believed I could reach my goal score (which, for the record, wasn't high) I worked my patootie off all the way to the tippy toe edge till there was literally no where to go. Unfortunately, all three scores totally sucked my steam but that did not, and does not, make me a failure. Instead, after sweeping up my broken spirits, I can look back and see a girl who didn’t burn her study books screaming "you're ruining my life!” but a girl who pushed through disappointment, abandoned thoughts of giving up and put in more effort than a dog trying to get peanut butter out of the bottom of a jar. (I'm also a girl with undying support from wonderful, loving peeps.)

Honestly though, doing something comes down to survival and unless I'm running with the bulls or trying to prove skydiving without a parachute is possible, chances are that whatever I put upon myself will still spit me out with a beating heart along with a mind full of new information, stories and motivation. I may have lost an earring along the way but hey, I did it.

In the end, I got accepted to my choice school but decided not to go (surprise!) for several very good reasons, and I don’t regret a thing. The severe LSAT emotional trauma I suffered and survived is what makes me believe I can survive the severe emotional trauma of running a 50 mile marathon; I’m just adding running shoes and a sweet Garmin watch. (LSAT = mental burpies). Psychological endurance, I have read, is the hardest part of running an ultra marathon for ultra hours over ultra distance while sweating ultra hard and grunting ultra loud. You’re body can go on for much longer than your mind allows you to believe [Listen: RadioLab “Limits”], you just have to know that it is possible by putting yourself in similar circumstances and surviving, which you will. How are you going to swim with sharks if you won’t get in the kiddy pool?

The farthest I've ever run is 11 miles but I’m young, in great health, and physically able. A number of half-centurions who have never run in their life train for and run a 50 mile race to celebrate, (Seriously! 50, 60, 70... look it up) and I highly doubt they are retired super heroes or Peter Pan. But the greatest reason of all great reasons: Why the hell not? This question confuses me, can you explain?

The idea of running 50 miles could quite possibly nix my belief of survival and all that garbage about summiting challenges, but if I don't try then I'll never know, and as long as I try my damned hardest, I still won’t be failing. Not giving up = learning about yourself, fine tuning your strengths, recognizing and fixing your weaknesses, and coming out with really nifty stories (even if it's not the ending you expected); quitting because you think you can’t = sitting alone in the dark making up lame excuses that even you know are lame (my shoe laces were too tight), eating a whole box of Girl Scout cookies and complaining about how you feel pathetic and lazy and wish you were good at something, for once. I plan on eating the Girl Scout cookies after a hard run shouting, “Go me! I need to carbo load! *nom*nom*.”

You can't escape

But I’m not a total moron. If my body says “no more”, my body has spoken. I won’t destroy the only one I have by blowing out my knees or getting Hyponatremia. I do have limits but I hope it doesn’t come to that. My mind on the other hand, if my mind says “no”, I’ll become one with the road, repeat a mantra and mentally power through. Basically, I'll kick its ass. (This gets me thinking that I’ll have to take up meditation and kick-boxing classes. I tend to fidget when “om”ing and I don’t have a strong upper cut.)

So let it be known that I will run myself to glory or run myself to death. I mean, I don’t actually think I’ll die (questionable statement) but there will be many days I feel like I'm in deaths grip and many more, I'm sure, that I will wish it upon myself.

Lets rock.